Humility
Hu*mil"i*ty\, n.; pl. Humilities. [OE. humilite, OF. humilit['e], humelit['e], F. humilit['e], fr. L. humiliatis. See Humble.]1. The state or quality of being humble; freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth; a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness; self-abasement; humbleness.pa⋅tience
[pey-shuh
ns] Show IPA Pronunciation 
–noun
| 2. | an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay I write this post as a means of admitting to myself and others of my recent struggles with these two things- humility and patience- with the hopes that I will slowly learn to possess both these difficult yet amazing virtues, sooner rather than later. (See, I'm even impatient in learning patience!) Okay, so my amazing internship with the World Triathlon Corporation came to an end right before Thanksgiving. I obviously had an unforgettable experience and have no regrets whatsoever. (The following statement is to be read in a whiny and woe is me tone). But now the real world has smacked me in the face and the difficult task of landing my first full-time professional position looms over me...in a slumping economy...with lots of layoffs...and lots of more qualified people now competing for jobs with me...in a day and age when a Bachelor's and a short-lived internship doesn't mean nearly what it used to. Okay, vent time over. In steps my need for a dose of humility. I, for some naive reason, had the impression that as long as I do the right things (get a degree, do really well in school, be active in my university and community, get an internship) that are required to getting where I want to be (working a full-time position in a career field that I enjoy and that challenges me, and not just a job that any 'ol person can do) I can pretty much accomplish anything. Well, life ain't so peachy, as I have discovered. As naive as that belief sounds, all my previous life experiences had affirmed that that was indeed true...I wanted to get all A's ever since narrowly missing the "Eagle's Perch" award in the 4th grade, so I worked my butt off in school, and I got all A's...from then on all the way through college. I wanted to get my black belt in karate, so I diligently attended classes for about 7 or 8 years, and I received my black belt my sophomore year of college. I wanted to study abroad to experience another culture, so I saved my money and applied for the program, and ended up going abroad twice and falling in love with international travel. I wanted to run in the local 10k, having never run over 2 miles, so I trained for a solid 8 months, and ended up beating my goal time by about 4 minutes and getting 2nd in my age group. You get my drift? I was used to "if you set your mind to something and do what you have to do to get there, nothing can stop you." Well, while this may sound like a nice black and white/cause and effect kind of perspective, (which totally fits my personality) I realize that these turn of events began to make me a bit cocky. Not like, "oh yeah, look at me, I'm the best," but rather, "well, this is something I REALLY want, so I'll find a way to get it. No discussion. The end." This turn of events was making me unconsciously see the world as "If I do the work, I reap the benefits." You see the problem, it's all based around me, I, myself. It was basically self-praise, with little if any thanks to the One who makes all of this possible. Society has somehow taught me this, but I need to not focus so much on what I ACHIEVE in life, but rather whether my life is a good representation of how Christ lived and wants us to live. I know pride and impatience are not in that equation! So here I am with a degree and all these other accomplishments ya da ya da ya and I don't have what I want even though I followed my usual "process to goal attainment," which I would typically classify as a "failure." Not getting something that you want isn't failure, it's life...Well, I'm challenging myself to view this "downtime" as an opportunity to become more humble, and to credit God for everything he has blessed me with: health, an education, a loving and supportive family, amazing friends, shelter, food, clothing, and HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Matthew 23:12 "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." I need to express my thankfulness for what I have been blessed with, and have faith that God will take care of my needs. Then there is the ever-popular virtue of patience. We are such instantaneous people. Lose 30 lbs in 30 days. Learn to speak a language in 90 days. Boil water in 90 seconds. When we decide we want something, we want it NOW. I admit that I, like gum-chewing Violet, "But I want it NOW, daddy!" from Willy Wonka, struggle with waiting. I think part of impatience stems from a lack of trust...trust that things will work out in God's time, not ours. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. It's hard to sit here and fill out application after application, waiting for the phone to ring with a job offer, when I want to have the job now. It's hard to watch friend after friend get proposed to, while I try to embrace singleness, (which is hard when I don't really have a relationship to compare it to), but can't wait to meet Mr. Right. The thing I'm challenging myself to do with regards to patience, is to remember that all things happen in God's time. He is ultimately the one in control. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. I don't know why it isn't easier to trust God when that's all he's ever done for me in the past. Hindsight shows that when things didn't always work out the way I wanted them to and when I wanted them to, I was always taken care of. I need to remember that. So, this whole confession/vent/ is really my personal effort to be held accountable to myself and to others in becoming more humble and more patient. I challenge to keep in mind these verses to get through this stage of my life: Humility- Matthew 23:12 "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." Patience-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." |
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